The Daunting Task

My husband and I are trying to get my daughter to sleep on her own in her own crib (or pack and play since we aren't in our new place yet). I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!! We are essentially taking a very secure and happy baby and placing her in a space she is uncomfortable with and insecure in and making her stay there until she falls asleep (a FITFUL sleep) from utter exhaustion. This is normal? This is humane behavior? What the....argh! There are not words to describe the utter horror and panic on my daughter's face. I honestly feel it is cruel and unusual punishment, and I feel like the ultimate betrayer of trust and love. Our daughter does not understand why we are sticking her in that pack and play and she doesn't understand why we won't pick her up. I'm very VERY unhappy about this. She is too young to understand and already going through an insecure phase with moving and everything else. But...... If we don't do this now, then when? We cannot have her in bed with us, or even in the same room with us, forever; nor do we want to. There HAS to be another way to do this!

"Civilized" societies put their children in their own beds and, sometimes, in their own rooms from day one. Ripped from the womb that has housed, cherished, and nurtured them as well as all the sounds and warmth associated with it, and stuck in a pen. A padded pen with weird objects floating over head....yeah, seems perfectly natural to me.

I'll say it. I am PROUD to be a mom who has had her daughter secure and safely in bed with her parents. The family bed. Now...I'm not saying that I want it forever, I don't. At some point our daughter needs to go in her own space and into her own room. I do want my bed back. However, it has been a wonderful experience to have that little body snuggled up close to me (and occasionally kicking me) during the night. I sleep better with her in bed with me than I do when she's in her crib or her pack and play. I think I am having trouble letting go of the experience, because if she's in her own bed, if she's in her own room...then she isn't really a baby-baby anymore. She'll be my little girl toddler....and I'm holding onto the baby for all I'm worth right now. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe she senses I want to hold onto it more too. I don't know....but I think that there has to be a better way...

Constipation....

What a lovely topic, I know, but it is one we have just recently experienced with our daughter. We just recently spent an entire day moving, and so driving, to our new summer location before we move to our more permanent location. Between spending 7-8 hours sitting in a car and eating many solids like cheerios, gold fish, milk, cheese, and some of mommy's (my) sandwich our daughter got a little constipated....the poor baby!! It was an awful experience to see my daughter straining and straining (and screaming and SCREAMING) to get out a very large, hard, poop. She did end up passing it without help; as we were pulling in to the Urgent Care parking lot. About 30 minutes later and we were out of there with instructions to give her juice (which she hates), prunes (which she loves), and nothing but water, fruit juice, and fruit for 24 hours. Good thing she likes grapes and cherries, and prunes in applesauce.

Throughout this whole experience my husband and I were talking, at length, about poo. It's completely deranged how much a parent will get involved in their child's bowel movements...and talk about it. We ask each other "What did it look like? Was it hard or soft? Did it have food bits in it?" I am being completely serious. I thought being pregnant was bad for the talks about mucus, pregnancy gas, constipation, heartburn, and other bodily functions...but having a baby has made it infinitely worse. If the poor kid could only understand what we were talking about she would be red with embarrassment.

Or maybe not.

Songs in my head

I have been going to sleep with Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song stuck in my head for the last 3 days, ever since my husband played it for our daughter to see if she would dance to it. (She did and it was VERY cute, but that's BESIDE the point) Have you ever tried to sleep with a catchy song like that in your head? I just feel like bouncing, and I catch my feet twitching! Good thing we had our POD arrive today for our big move. I spent much of today hauling boxes down the stairs into the POD and all in the 98 degree heat. YUCK! But I'll sleep well tonight. Thank goodness for "Hoodwinked!" If it weren't for that movie I think my husband and I would have had a VERY cranky daughter today. The "goody two shoes" mommy in me is going 'Oh dear, oh dear, she didn't get a lot of stimulation today! Oh no, watching that much TV is bad for her.' The "practical" mommy in me is going 'So what?! It's not like she watches TV all day EVERY day, but you need to get some stuff done and she is happy in her bouncy chair and entertained by the movie. Move on, deal with it, and PACK the POD!!!' "Practical" Mommy won this round; although I MIGHT have dreams about "livin' like the bandit" tonight..."with a ring on it." Or as my husband just said "All the single critters." Oi!

I'll always remember her garden...

My Darling Daughter,

We found out yesterday that your Great Grandmother Ella Frieda Wood Hudson (Elfrieda, Nanny, Meme) passed away over the weekend. You and she first met when you were 1-2 months old. She came out to New Mexico, at 93 years old, just to see your beautiful face and hold you in her arms. It was a very special visit, her last out of state visit. I think seeing her great grand-daughter and hearing about you for the last year helped keep her going when she was feeling old and lonely. You brightened up her days just as you brighten everyone's around you.

I wanted to tell you about your Great Grandmother, because you won't get to ask her to tell you these stories herself. She was born in October in 1915, and was the oldest daughter; as are you. She used to walk to school and be passed up by the little rich girls in their buggies (they didn't offer rides often, if at all). She lived on a ranch, the ranch house is still there in Fulton, California. She loved prunes. As a baby you did too. She loved the outdoors and gardening. I'll always remember her garden, filled with flowers, imagination, and a little magic. She was an extraordinary woman who lived through a great many things and saw a great number of changes in the world. She loved to knit and made you a blanket, two hats, and two booties. She knit me some things as well, which you can have when you are older. She was many things; but to me she was my grandmother, and I'll always remember her garden.

Love,
Your mother